My Name is Cat, Hear Me Roar

 I own everything, and I’ll do what I want with it.

Photo by Author

Hey mom, thanks so much for the new rug.

You spent a lot of time looking at pictures on your computer and measuring to make sure you got just the right one. Congratulations! I know this one is really nice and that you got it at a good price.

And it’s so lush, big, and heavy! I know you were happy to get it because you lay on it sometimes to watch television. I love to join you. Of course, you know I’m just sucking up. Food is always on my mind.

Getting this rug on the floor took more effort than I would have bothered with.

First, you had to move the furniture out of the way. You brought the smaller ox up first. You know, the one that weighed about 20 lbs. You removed all that tape, cut the strings, and laid it out. Then you stomped for some reason. Not sure why, but it was flatter afterward.

I saw you kick the box into the living room, so I guess you couldn’t pick it up. How did you ever get it up the stairs to the third floor with no elevator? You probably had to push it up to using your legs. I do appreciate it. All this for me.

And getting it in the right place was a lot of work. You kept wiping your forehead and stopped to get a drink of water. You then dragged it some more to get it just right. You walked around and finally looked satisfied.

Then came the item. The big box. It was so exciting.

I don’t know why it took you so long to open it. I waited at least 10-minutes for you to tear the box apart so you could get the rug out. I never thought you’d do it.

I had plenty of time to lick my paws and wash while I waited. And waited. And waited. Then you had to snip the string. Finally, it was out. What a relief!

After that, you had to drag it, oh, that hunching over and the noises were so unattractive, across the room and put it in the right place. Then you unfolded it one piece at a time.

The colors were and are beautiful. It shimmers and smells good.

You took several more minutes adjusting the position before moving the furniture back. But finally, you were done, and everything was in place.

So this is why I’m confused.

I thought you loved this rug and were happy. Why are you standing over it yelling at me? In case you don’t know, I can’t understand a word you say. And by the way, I don’t care.

You’re being irrational. What are you so upset about? Honestly, here you go again.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Don’t look at me like that and shake your finger as I walk away. There! Tail in your face. I’m leaving. I don’t need to listen to this.

Oh, I see, you’re spraying something on the rug. No, that doesn’t smell right, not at all. Why are you doing that? And right where I just sharpened my claws. Oh, you mean you don’t want claw marks on it? Really? It’s so thick and lovely, almost perfect.

I said almost. Remember, it’s used. New rugs arrive rolled, not boxed.

Don’t you want me to feel like it’s my rug, too? It is, after all. This is my house and everything in it belongs to me. Are you being stingy, mom? I see, you’re in a bad mood.

Again.

You’re wasting your breath. But I hope it makes you feel better to carry on like this. I certainly don’t care. Or haven’t I made that clear enough? Do I need to claw something else to get my point across?

I’m going to the bedroom while you sort things out. Hopefully, you’ve made the bed by now so I can relax. I’d have preferred the sun was shining today, but alas, it is not. How inconvenient.

Please don’t follow me. This foolishness has gone on long enough.

Yes, shut the door. Be like that. I’ll be out in a couple of hours for my mid-day snack.

In the meantime, you’d better hope that I don’t barf up any fur.

Please just go away.